


The Darkness

by WuvWinchesterHugs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brother Feels, But Sam does it to save Dean, Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Episode: s01e18 Something Wicked, Episode: s02e01 In My Time of Dying, Episode: s03e11 Mystery Spot, Episode: s05e16 Dark Side of the Moon, Episode: s05e18 Point of No Return, Episode: s06e22 The Man Who Knew Too Much, Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, Episode: s09e13 The Purge, Episode: s10e23 My Brother's Keeper, Gen, Mentions of Purgatory, Non-Consensual Blood Drinking, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Post-Episode: s10e23 My Brother's Keeper, Self-Harm, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:42:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8770420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WuvWinchesterHugs/pseuds/WuvWinchesterHugs
Summary: This is a fic I wrote with a fellow hunter, during the hellatus between seasons 10 and 11. Essentially, this was our speculation on what could've happened after the Darkness swept over the Impala.





	1. Chapter 1

Sam Winchester struggles against the leather straps that bind him against his hotel mattress.  
“Let me go, or I swear to—,”  
“What, you swear to what?” Ruby mocks. “God? Pfft, like he’ll do anything for you.” She saunters over seductively popping her hips with each step. “Can you feel that, Sammy?” She asks and bent down, flaunting her cleavage. She ran her hand up to hollow of his collarbone. “Feel the burning, need for the warm, soft, wet blood?” She flicks her tongue out past his chin just missing it. Sam trys to jerk his neck away from her.  
“Here comes the airplane,” she sing-sang swooping the vial of dark liquid up over his lips, hovering for a split second before crushing her lips down onto his.  
“Can you feel that hunger poking around inside you?” She asks, grinding against him indiscreetly against his crotch. “Poking; poking up.” She chuckles lowly.  
He glares, grinding his teeth “Feel what? Your slimy, whore lips? I don't know maybe. Could you maybe get off before I catch an STI? You black eyed bitch.” Sam grunts against his initial lust, both for the blood and her. She pulls away causing a heavy exhale to burst from Sam’s tense chest. A big part of him wants to break free not to escape but to rip her clothes off and take her in every possible way ultimately killing her, gulping down her deliciously sinful blood, but he just grins sarcastically in her direction.

Ruby laughs. “You know you can’t resist it. Resist me. No matter what you tell yourself, or Dean, you will always choose the blood. You’ll choose it over everything; over saving the world, over your pathetic ideal apple pie life, and especially over Dean. “  
Sam swallows keeping his face blank, his mouth only barely twitching in anger, “Stop it.” He orders. Ruby leans down over him again; this time hopping up to straddle him, propped up on her elbows.  
“So, tell me, how does it feel?”  
“What?”  
“How does it feel to know the truth?” Ruby said, purposefully playing the pronoun game.  
“What, the truth that you’re a bitch?”  
“You still don’t get it, do you?” She chuckles, running her nail along his stubbly chin.  
“You're dead, I watched Dean kill you. You died. You’re not even real,” Sam growls.  
“Maybe, but haven’t you ever wondered why you were able to just stop drinking the blood, after I practically pumped you full of it?”  
“No. it wasn't easy. I craved it. But Dean helped. I was stronger. Stronger than you, you bitch” He spat in her face, but she doesn’t reel back, just laughs even harder.  
“Don’t kid yourself, Sam. It’s just like you told Dean. You screw up everything you try. You couldn’t even fight off Lucifer without Dean's help. You really think you have the willpower to resist something like demon blood on your own? The only reason you’re even able to function without the demon blood is because of me.”  
“I wasn't on my own, you're twisting it,” He said.  
“This whole time, you thought you got your revenge; you thought you were done with me. But you refuse to admit the truth, so here it is; I’ve always been right here, using me as bait for your addiction. Keeping it locked away inside your noggin.” She giggles, licking his saliva off her face.  
“No, you're wrong.” Sam retorts in frustrated disgust.  
“Yes. And once I’m gone, all those old urges are gonna come back. And it’ll consume you until there’s nothing left but darkness inside you.”  
“NO! Shut up!” His heartbeat speeds up with intensifying panic.  
“Oh, that’s right. You’re still in the dark.” She laughs. “Well, no point in not telling you. But I’ll give you a chance to figure it out. Here’s a hint: Everyone has something so dark about themselves, they refuse to acknowledge it. And when it hits you from the outside, it stirs back up from inside you.”  
Sam turns his face away from her desperately, “I'm not listening to you. You're not real.”  
“You’re still in the impala; with Dean, after the darkness swept over you both. All this;”—she gestures to their surroundings—“It’s the darkness inside you, Sam. And it will win. And Dean will leave you, for good.”  
“No...NO!” He was beginning to tremble now.  
“And me? I’m gonna watch you give in for good. Watch the demon blood pour down your throat. Watch it turn your eyes black, permanently. And you will come back to the man I know you still are. The man I know you've always been.”  
“Get the hell away from me,” Sam’s voice broke.  
Ruby flicks a finger and Sam’s neck was whipped back to where he was facing her, held in place with a leather band. “Let's get this started, shall we? Just like old times.” Sam tries to struggle, but it was useless.  
“This is gonna be so much fun.”  
“Ruby stop, please, just let it go. You don't need me.” He begs.  
Ruby laughs. “Oh, I’m not gonna pour it down your throat. He is.”  
Dean enters the room, gazing down at Sam with pure hatred, so strong Sam can feel it. Sam knows this isn’t really Dean. But it doesn’t decrease his terror. His older brother begins to circle the bed, fist clenched, like a panther circles its prey.  
“No, no no-no-no,” Sam’s breath speeds up.  
“I knew it, deep down inside.” Dean’s voice cracks the silence with the rugged tone.  
”Dean, wha-no, Dean, stop what are you—” Sam shakes in his place, not from struggle this time, but utter terror.  
“I tried so hard to pretend otherwise…” Dean’s green eyes darken as they lock on Sam.  
“DEAN what is happening!?”  
“But you were never anything but. You’ve always been, and will always be one thing; a monster; a filthy, bloodsucking monster.” He said, emphasizing each adjective. “I let you live this long. I'm not gonna do that again.” Dean grabs the jugs of demon blood by his feet, drags them over to one side of the bed.  
“Stop it Dean! Stop it, this isn’t you!” Sam says frantically.  
“Oh, I have waited so long for this. And I'm going to enjoy it,” Dean’s deep, throaty voice pounds through Sam’s soul. Dean opens up the first jug, moves it to the bed. “Every single second.”  
“No. Dean. Stop,” Sam tries once more.  
Ruby laughs in the corner, “No point in trying to get through to him, Sammy. It’s your darkness.”  
Sam is enveloped in anger, jerking at his bands, “If it is my darkness then I can change it. You don't control me. I control you. Now stop!!!”  
A silence ensues for a few seconds, but nothing happens. Dean just moves the jug closer; only a few feet away from Sam’s face.  
With zero sympathy in his eyes, Dean raises the tip to Sam’s chin, “Have a drink, pal.”  
“I SAID STOP!!!!” Sam screams.  
Dean pries his mouth open. Sam can only watch helplessly as Dean moves the jug closer and closer to his face, and then the jug is in his mouth. He sputters and gurgles but can’t fight it, so he swallows. Sam can’t speak but continues to concentrate on pushing Dean away.  
Stop, please, I’m in control, you aren’t real, this isn’t real! Enough! He thought.  
Ruby can be heard in the background, laughing.  
I SAID STOP NOW!!!! He tries to project his mind’s words.  
Sam keeps fighting, the thick red liquid streaming down his throat, spilling down his chin, filling his belly, burning his throat, sending euphoric and agonistic fire through his veins. Then black. All sounds, sights, and smells become nonexistent.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sam kept fighting, the thick red liquid streaming down his throat, spilling down his chin, filling his belly, burning his throat, sending euphoric and agonistic fire through his veins. Then black. All sounds, sights, and smells become nonexistent._

Then they slowly began to return with a blurring white light. Sam is in the Impala; Dean is hovered over Sam in the front seat, shaking him gently, patting his face trying to get a reaction, as Sam slowly comes to.

“Sam? Sammy!” The ruff throaty pitch is already starkly different than the one Sam had heard just moments before in his brain, in his darkness.   
“Dean?” Sam coughs.   
Dean cradles his brother’s pale face in his hands, shaking with relief. “Sammy...”  
Sam voice breaks and he loses his already dead as shit composure.  
“Dean...Oh, god!” He grabs Dean's jacket; yanking him down to bury his face in his big brother's chest.  
Dean doesn’t fight him, and holds him there just as tightly, oblivious to what Sammy had just seen. Snot and tears paint Sam’s face into shattered glass as he struggles to speak. “I t-t-thought I had lost you…don't you ever… let me lose you.”  
“Sammy, I'm not going anywhere,” Dean assures, his eyebrows creasing. The horrible visions the Darkness planted in Sam try to scrape away the words Dean supplies him with. Trying to replace them with Dean calling him a monster, and how his brother looked so euphoric, so merciless, pouring demon blood down his throat. He shakes his head away from the image.   
Sam swallows hard, trying to open his throat to calm down. “O-o-Okay,” He sobs softly and continues to hold Dean, crying into his chest.  
“Sammy, it's okay,” Dean sooths after a few minutes.   
Sam, body still racked with messy sobs;   
“No, it's not. It’s not alright, I’m not alright, and I’m going again. Going crazy falling in up down into the r-r-rabbit hole...n-no Ruby gah,”—Sam was panting, shaking, and stuttering incoherently—“I-i i i i c-c-an't no stop it. Dean, don't ever let me see that you. Stop no, why am I such a fuck up goddamnit!!!!!!!!!??” Sam screams into Dean's chest, sending vibrations pulsating through Dean's heart.   
“I can't do any-I can't do anything right, fuck. Dean, just kill me. Please, just kill m-m-me, I don't want to be alive. I don’t want to exist!”  
Dean is really worried at this point. “Sam, what're you talking about?”  
Sam sobs until his voice became no more than a painful almost soundless scream. His fingers still clutching his brother’s body desperately.  
“Sam, whatever it is, it's over. You're okay. I'm here. And I can help you through it,” Dean hushes. But the image of Dean…the Dean that hates Sam, keeps popping back in his head again. Sam is unable to shake the fear that one day it might become real.  
Sam trembles, rocking the whole car with his anxiety. Under his breath he keeps chanting the same words; “stop crying stop crying. Dean I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, I haven't done you r-righ-ght, please do-don't hate me if you do just s-s-say i-it.”  
“Sammy, why on Earth would I hate you!? You're my pain in the ass little brother,” Dean says, becoming more concerned by the minute.  
Voice still breaking, Sam says; “I'm no better than the vampires you kill with me; I could lapse any moment, any time I-i-i-I”—Sam gasps—“I-I’m-m just a m-m-monster.”  
“Sam, I only said that because I was scared shitless of what would happen to you. Even then, I probably wouldn't have killed you, okay? If anything, I would've let you kill me,” Dean says, only wanting to help.  
Upon hearing that, Sam’s anxiety attack goes full throttle. “Dean!!!” He yells, muffled with uncontrollable sobs. “No-no-no-no-no-NO-NO-NO-NO!!!”  
“I'm serious, Sam.” Dean says, confused.   
“Don’t you fucking do that,” Sam grabs Dean again, harder, like he’s trying to drill his point into Dean’s head. “You fucking live, dammit. Never let me. If I ever go there again, you do what you need to do. Don’t you dare risk the fate of the world for me, again!”   
Dean is also determined to make his point. “Sam, you're ten times the man I ever was. And I can prove it.” Sam gets ready to protest, but Dean barrels on, determined to make his point. “Look at everything you’ve done for me. Did you let the Mark take me, even when I was staring Death in the face? Did you give up on me, when I said I didn't believe in you? When I almost said yes to Michael? You went to hell to save the world. I only went to hell to save you.”  
Sam’s muscles start to feel alert again, a headache panging through him. “I-l-love you, D-D-Dean.” He broke and fell limp under his big brother, sobbing softly, still clinging to Dean's coat; to Dean, period.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dean barrels on, determined to make his point. “Look at everything you’ve done for me. Did you let the Mark take me, even when I was staring Death in the face? Did you give up on me, when I said I didn't believe in you? When I almost said yes to Michael? You went to hell to save the world. I only went to hell to save you.”_

“And I'd do it again, in a heartbeat, if it meant you'd have your apple pie life, and walk away from the hunting life for good. I have to keep hunting, but if you're not with me, I want you safe. If that means you walking away, so be it,” Dean states bluntly, trying to hide the pain it took to say that.  
Sam, trying to push the emotion out of his voice, and failing: “No, I'm coming.” He says trying to catch his breath.  
“Are you sure? Why else would you be talking crazy?” Dean pulls back to look at Sam.  
“N-no, Dean it isn't about hunting. No, hunting keeps me alive. It keeps me with you.”   
Dean, thinking he knows what’s really bothering Sam, says: “I don't care about what we saw in heaven, Sammy. If that's what you really want, then I will fight for you to have it. And I’ll never stop.”  
“Dean, I don't give a FUCK about heaven or whatever the hell it was, you are the one thing that I need by me. The ONLY thing I need by me.”  
“Well, I'm not going to kill you, not now or ever.” Dean says point blank. “I've always been ready to be the one to go first.”  
“No. Dean. I know you are. But don't go first. Don't you dare! You go with me. You go when I go. Don't you dare leave me here, alone! I won't ever leave you. Without you....Why do I exist?”   
“Sam...” Dean shakes his head, not believing a word of it.  
“Dean?” Sam says gently, trying to push his point across.  
“I don't know where your head’s at, but you don't get to decide that,” Dean blurts, face going blank.  
“Neither do you,” Sam retorts.  
“If it’s the last thing I do, you're gonna die a grouchy old man, high on Viagra. And I'm gonna die like I always said I would. Gun in my hand, letting this life be the end of me.” Dean said, shaking his head.  
“You don't get to decide how I die. I am going to die with you by my side and a knife in my hand, or I'm doing it myself, Dean. That is what I want, dammit!”  
“Sam, don’t say that. You never have, and never will, sink as low as you’ve seen me. You may have been possessed, but you never truly became a demon like I did.”  
“You think I FUCKING CARE?!”  
“You should!” Dean shoves Sam’s shoulder, trying to knock sense into him.   
Sam grunts, angry, but determined to get through to Dean. “DEAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW!”  
Sam’s voice cut Dean hard, and Dean had to swallow the knot threatening tears before continuing. “I almost killed you! And I didn’t care!” Dean said, his face contorting with the memory.   
Sam is practically screaming at this point. “YOU LISTEN TO ME AT LEAST ONE GODDAMN TIME IN YOUR PETTY LIFE! I AM A GROWN MAN AND I FUCKING LOVE YOU! DAMMIT, DEAN! IF I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, THEN I CAN’T LIVE! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT A WIFE OR KIDS OR A STUPID APPLE PIE LIFE.”  
Dean, still shaking his head trying to block the words, “Don't say that. I know you do! You had it when I was in purgatory! If I had stayed, you could’ve moved on! You could’ve gotten your life back! The one I stole from you!”  
“I WANT YOU!” Sam exclaims, grabbing Dean’s head. “I want you, my big brother, to be the person I see tomorrow, and in ten years, when we’re on the floor in a pool of blood, right before we die.” Sam can see the tears forming behind Dean’s eyes. “You treat me like an adult.” It was an order. “I’m an adult, I decide my life.”  
“If you don't make it out of this, how I supposed to live with that?” Dean asks, a sob threatening to break his words.  
“I choose my life. And I choose you. I won’t EVER leave you. Dammit, Dean, don’t you get it?! I have fucked up before; But not anymore.” Sam is out of breath, but nowhere near finished.  
“Not like I did! I almost let that Shtriga kill you!” Tears start to stream consistently down Dean’s face. “I let Yellow Eyes feed you that blood!”  
“You had no control over what Azazel did, Dean. It was not your fault. And I don't CARE about the dumbass Shtriga. You did all you could. It’s okay,” Sam says. He can see Dean’s wall slowly breaking and doesn’t know what’s in store. This had never happened before.   
“You were right all along, Sam.” Dean cries, leaning down sobbing into his baby brother’s huge chest. “I kept you around for me. I couldn't live without you. You were ready to die, and I tricked you into staying for me. You could've had all it back, Sammy. All your wrongdoings would’ve been forgiven. Do you know what the darkness showed me?” Sam twitches a little, hoping this was progress. “What?” He asks, voice hoarse from the yelling.  
“It made me relive everything I ever did to screw up your life. And it showed how we, how YOU, were paying the price because of it; how your actions were for everyone else. And mine were only ever for me.”  
“Want to know what it showed me?” Sam asks feeling determined.  
“What?” Dean asks, still bent down with his face buried.  
“It showed me how I felt stuck because you think you need to save me all the time and I’m willing to let you, but you wouldn't let me be my own self. You forced me to be a version of what you saw to be my happiness. But it was wrong. That’s not what I want. Not anymore. I want to be my own man with you. And that’s all. I want you, Dean. Just by giving me the chance to be your brother again....that is any debt paid and then some.” When Sam finishes, Dean wants to believe it so bad, but he just can’t shake the darkness’s horrible images off of him.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dean wanted to believe it so bad, but he just couldn’t rack the darkness’s horrible images off of him._

“Damn it, Dean, look at me!” Sam said angrily, firmly grabbing Dean’s face. Dean is frozen, stuck on the image of Sammy dying right in front of him. “Come, on, Dean! Eye contact,” Sam urges in an almost whiney voice. Dean does, but tries so hard to not directly look at his baby brother's eyes, so as not to let on how much he is really hurting.  
Sam notices and takes a more forceful approach. “Do it right. Look right at me, like Dad did.” Dean complies, but only for a second. And then he can’t, because he can't stand the way Sam is looking at him.  
“Oh, Sammy...” Dean’s voice broke.  
Sam raises his other hand, also grabbing Dean’s face, “Just let me be your brother again. That’s enough. That will always be enough.” Sam begs.  
After a small pause, Dean rolls over to the driver’s seat, startling them both. He opens the Impala’s door, and scrambles to get out and takes off, unable to contain what he is feeling anymore.   
Sam follows after him, his long legs easily catching Dean's bowed ones. Dean keeps running, not stopping, just trying to outrun everything. But Dean, being Dean, doesn't see an upcoming tree root, and trips. He’s on the ground in seconds, but doesn't get up.  
Sam catches up in moments and drops down to his brother, “Dean? Dean, you okay? Dean!” Sam begins to panic and rolls Dean over onto his back. Doing this reveals Dean isn’t unconscious, just lying there not moving.  
Sam’s head dips down for a moment in pure relief. “Dean...please. Let me be your pain in the ass little brother again. Let me give you the love I know you deserve. Let me be there for you like you always were for me. Let me love my big brother…please,” Still out of breath, he plops down in a cross-legged position facing his brother.   
Dean manages to sit upright. He looks right at Sammy, but it's not the look Sam is hoping for. Whatever is going on in Dean’s head, he just can't shake it. Sam senses this, and the skin of his forehead is ridden with worry lines again.  
Dean’s voice is ridden with desperation; “Sammy, why? Why did you stay by my hospital bed, when Yellow Eyes was about close in? Why did you keep trying to break the Tuesday cycle? Why didn't you just stay inside your head, safe and sound, when you took the wall down?”  
Sam responds calmly; “Because outside that hospital, inside those Tuesdays, behind that wall, in none of those places could I have you.”  
Dean’s sobbing returns with a vengeance, “But you'd be s-s-safe.”  
“In none of those places could I have you, and without you, I'm never going to be safe.” Sam leans forward against Dean, embarrassing him like he did when they were young. “Let it out, Dean. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. Please, let me help.”  
Dean’s mind is still writhing in pain from years with John and the burden of the Darkness.   
“I c-c-cant, Sammy. I put that darkness in you. I made you see what you saw. You admitted it.”  
“You didn’t make me do anything. That was all in my head. My thoughts: my world. It was you who saved me, Dean,” Sam replies.   
Dean pauses for a second, then fumbles for something in his back pocket, and pulls out the Impala’s keys. “I said she was all yours. I meant it.” He hands Sam the keys, gets up, and begins to walk away, determined to let Sam go.   
Sam gets up immediately and grabs Dean from behind. “You want so bad to help me? Do this ONE thing! Make an effort to change if you hate yourself so goddamn much!”  
Dean breaks then. He doesn’t bother to hide it anymore. He just starts repeating the same thing over and over, practically running his words together, “I'msorry, sosorry, I’msorry, sosorry—“


	5. Chapter 5

_Dean just let it out then. He didn’t bother to hide it anymore. He just started repeating the same thing over and over._  
_Dean was practically running his words together, “I'msorry, sosorry, I’msorry, sosorry—“_

They both fall to their knees, Sam holding Dean’s body weight up as Sam turns Dean to lean on Sam’s shoulder, and the tears fall freely from Dean's eyes. He’s not moving, and his body's gone rigid. And it's not long after this that Sam realizes that Dean has stopped being responsive to his attempts at calming him. One look says he’s still awake, but whatever's going on in his head, it's not good. His eyes are haunted.  
“Sam...No...Please...I didn't mean to...”  
Sam gives Dean another embrace. “It's okay, big brother. It's okay.”  
Suddenly, Dean's fists clench, digging into his palms. “No, NO!” He pushes Sam away from him, startling Sam.  
“Dean?” Sam gets to his feet, concern displayed all over his face.  
Dean clasps his head in between his hands, rocking back and forth against the tree, clearly panicking. “What have I done??????” He squeaks through clenched teeth.

Sam tries to pry Dean's hands away from his head. “Dean! Talk to me; what’s happening!?”

Dean rocks harder, hitting his head on the tree with increasing force. Banging and banging and banging his head on the tree, too caught up in the darkness haunting his thoughts to notice how hard he’s hitting the tree.

Sam fights Dean tooth and nail to stop Dean from rocking back and forth; fighting his brother's death grip he has on his head. “No. Dean.” He manages to hold Dean at eye level, trying to pull him out of wherever he’s going. “DEAN! COME BACK!”  
At first, it seems like Dean does snap out of it. But the look in Dean’s eyes says it all. The darkness clouding his thoughts is too great, and he’s ready to let the guilt that came with it consume him. “Sammy...it's okay. I'm going...It’s all gonna be okay…”  
Sam is confused; panicking. “What?? Wha-Going where, what, Dean?!”   
“I'm going...back...where I belong... It's all...going to be okay.” Dean’s breathing begins speeding up into hyperventilating.  
“Dean, talk to me! What's going on?” Sam is completely frantic now.  
“Oh.my god.” Dean groans through a stifled scream as a flood of memories from the Darkness come rushing in, all of them very real, and not manipulated, bombarding inside Dean’s mind.   
“Dean, what's happening?! Will you just talk to me?!” Sam pats his face sporadically.  
Dean grabs Sam’s left arm, desperate. “Sammy, let me go.” He begs.  
“No, you're my bro-I’m not gonna leave you!” Sam refuses.  
“You don’t understand. It’s the darkness, Sam. It’s in me,” Dean insists trying to hold eye contact.  
“Fight it, then!” Sam insists, becoming scared.  
“I can’t.” Dean manages to say. “I have to accept what it’s showing me. It’s the truth, Sammy. I have to pay for what I did to you,”  
Sam was now hopelessly desperate, and strains to find the words.” Wh-wha n-no you’re not leaving me… I’m- I'm not.”  
“Sam, please…let me go,” This time his voice was higher, pleading.  
“I-I don't even know what the hell’s going on, what…” Sam stammers.  
“I don’t have the fight in me anymore, Sammy.”  
“This isn't you do it anyway n-n-no y you can’t…” Sam shakes his head in refusal.   
Dean passes out then, right in the middle of Sam’s sentence, head falling back.  
Full-on panicking now, Sam holds Dean’s head upright with his hands.  
“No, nonononononono, DEAN. DEAN? DEAN!”  
And that's when Sam sees it. Dean’s eyes, starting to go dead, like the life is barely staying intact. Sam cries, “Dean….No, please.” Dean doesn’t respond, and Sam clasps him to his shoulder, crying.  
Sam, angry, through his tears: “YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER LEAVE ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”  
There’s a noise from Dean, like a grunt. But nothing else happens, and Dean is still unconscious, and eyes going dead again,   
“Don’t you dare leave me, Dean. Not now, just when I got you back.” Dean makes another noise, but it’s more like a small sigh.  
Sam suddenly understands, and starts rehashing everything they'd talked about back inside the church, when Dean saved him from curing Crowley and in turn, dying.  
“Come on, Dean. The Darkness is lying! You give into it, you’re dead, Dean!” Sam drags Dean over into his lap. “Think about it, Dean. Think about what we know. All of the knowledge we’ve congregated over the years, we can fix this. We always find a way out, a way to help, no matter how much our fights may escalate. Come on, dammit, fight! Dean doesn’t move, and Sam’s face contorts and he starts to cry through his words. “I can’t do it without you, Dean. Listen, man I know, I know we’ve had our disagreements, but you’re my brother! There is nothing past or present I want to have in my life more than you. I need you to see that!” Sam’s body is shaking with involuntary sobs for a few minutes before he is able to continue. He sucks in a breath and keeps talking, except with more gumption, more anger this time,  
“Let me be the one to save you at least once goddamnit! Dean, COME ON! LET ME BE YOUR BROTHER IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT WE'VE SUFFERED! FOR ALL THE SHIT I PUT YOU THROUGH, LET ME TAKE SOME OF YOURS! I’M SICK OF MINE! I NEED YOU, YOU DUMBASS! NOW FUCKING GODDAMN FIGHT!”  
At the word ‘fight’, Dean makes a series of noises; a louder grunt, some indecipherable words, and a long sigh at the end. And suddenly, Dean grips Sam’s shoulder, hand hanging on so tight, his knuckles are turning white, and Sam can feel the nails digging into it. But Sam doesn’t dare move it off, and uses it as his cue to keep going.  
“You've ALWAYS told me to keep fighting! ALWAYS! Now I'm telling you,” Sam presses on. Dean makes another noise, like someone is scraping at his head and Sam keeps going.  
“You know what I'll do if you leave. If you leave me before our time, I'm doing it myself. And you know what that means. And no, I'm not joking,” Sam said firmly. Dean stops responding then, hand slowly releasing its death grip on Sam’s shoulder, and Sam knows he has to act fast, before the moment passes.

“Don't think I will, WATCH.” Sam grabs a small pocket knife out of his pocket and begins carving at his arm, making sure Dean can see what he’s doing. Sam grunts at the pain, hoping it will initiate something. It does.  
Dean makes multiple noises, like someone is drilling a hole into his head. And then it stops abruptly, and Sam knows Dean is almost gone.  
“NO YOU.”—Makes a hard slice into his arm—“NO ME!” Sam exclaims, slicing the cut deeper.  
There’s no response at all this time, and Sam feels a panic beginning to form. But then the adrenaline rushes in, and Sam knows what he has to do; the last Hail Mary to this hell of a whim.  
He punctures his Radial Artery, and blood begins to gush out excessively fast.  
Sam makes a real effort to stay conscious long enough. “Dean...please…let me be with my big brother, if you won't come back.” And through the crevices of his mind, Sam feels the ground reverberate when his head slams into the ground.   
When Sam comes to, he feels two hands on him, two strong hands that weren’t even moving moments before, but now are entirely focused on holding Sam’s bloody arm, cutting off the blood flow.  
“Sammy..?” Dean says, his eyes wide and panicky   
Sam can’t quite believe what he’s seeing through the haze, “Dean…?” He grunts.

“You b-b-bit...” Dean starts, but then passes out on top of Sam, knocking the breath and consciousness out of Sam with his weight.


	6. Chapter 6

When Sam comes to, he and Dean are both in a hospital, sharing a room, and a doctor just barely walks into their hospital room as Sam immediately gets up from his bed to go check on Dean.  
“Sir,” The doctor said. “I need you to stay in your own bed. He's fine. Whatever was going on with him, it's not so bad anymore. You can let him go.”  
Sam ignores her words and hops up into his big brother’s bed, plopping his ass down next to Dean, trying to untangle all the I.Vs and cords. He wraps himself around Dean, clasping him into a headlock with his good arm and resting the other against his shoulder. Dean is asleep, but only because he is actually asleep. 

“I'm never letting him go. He’s my brother,” Sam says, not bothering to look at the doctor, but smiling nonetheless. The lady in the white coat smiles.  
“You are one dedicated brother. He owes you, big time.”  
Sam goes from slightly playful to hard ass serious in about 2 seconds. “He doesn't owe me a damn thing. Everything from here on out is only ever gonna be me owing him. He practically gave his whole life to me. All I want, all I need, is to be able to give my life equally to him.”  
The doctor nods, still smiling. “Hmm,” She chuckled a little bit. “Well, your brother is going to live. However, he might die of embarrassment if he sees what you're doing to him.”  
Sam crinkles his nose in a smirk. “Tough shit, I need my bro.” The doctor leaves then, leaving Sam to talk to Dean. He knows Dean is okay, but talking helps him wait.  
.Later.  
.Later.  
.Later.  
Unbeknownst to Sammy, Dean is in the little space between sleep and wake. He is silently mustering up the energy to open his eyes or move a finger to let Sam know.  
“…Ya know, and I wouldn't take a damn thing back,” Sam says concluding his little spiel. Dean is silent for several more minutes, then, and finally, he manages to say something. “S...ammy...?” He says all groggy. Sam’s face immediately brightens up, a smile of relief and excitement making his dimples crease.  
“Yeah?” He asks earnestly, shifting slightly closer to hear.   
Dean, still half asleep, “B-b-bitch…” His mouth lightly curls up into a little laugh.  
Sam laughs and rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder, hugging him even tighter: “Jerk!” He says through a laugh.  
“Told you I wasn't going anywhere,” Dean reassures. The words are a promise, and a little bit of told-you-so mixed in.   
“Yeah, you did. Now about that me-taking-care-of-you deal. Do you want a foot rub or a Mani-Pedi first?” Sam asks.  
Dean rolls his eyes, and tries to break out of Sam’s headlock. “You really are my pain in the ass little brother, aren't you?”  
Sam, holding him all the tighter, not relenting for anything, says, “You know it.”

And they stay there for hours upon hours just like that, but Sam has never been happier in any of his lifetimes, because now he knows, no matter how much crazier the world, hell, purgatory, heaven or whatever gets, he's got his big brother, and he will now let himself accept that.   
THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Dean seemed OOC in this, it's because the way I wrote him was that what the Darkness showed him left him feeling vulnerable, therefore he can't reel it back in and pretend nothing is wrong.


End file.
